CARRY ME

I have some thoughts that have been stirring around in my head. The other day Debbie asked me to write something she might be able to use on the back of her church bulleton, I said it may take awhile. When we went to Redberry Bible Camp, we had a morning service, during the worship I held Josiah, hes a little too big to be comfortable in my arms. I tried to set him down at least once, he wanted right back up, he told me "higher." It was in those moments that the LORD began to speak, and every morning that I go out and walk that is my hour with God. HE CARRIED THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD UPON HIS SHOULDERS I KNOW MY SISTER THAT HE CARRY YOU COME UNTO ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST I CAST MY CARES ALL MY CARES DOWN AT YOUR FEET ANY TIME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I WILL CAST MY DOWN TO TO YOU.

GOD IS TEACHING ME THAT HE LOVES TO CARRY ME
EVEN IF I AM REALLY HEAVY WITH BURDENS
MY BOY IS FIGHTING AT SCHOOL ALMOST EVERYDAY,
I FEEL TERRIBLE,
HOW CAN I HELP HIM
GOD SAYS CAST YOUR CARES UPON ME,
I WILL GIVE YOU REST
OTHER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED
THAT ARE UNPEACEFUL
GOD SAYS HE IS GOING TO CARRY ME
CARRY ME : SO THAT I AM UPCLOSE TO YOUR HEART.
I WANT TO HEAR YOUR HEART BEATING
HOW CAN I CARE WHEN I AM HURTING SO MUCH
CAST YOUR CARES ON ME
I WILL GIVE YOU REST
WHEN I HOLD GODS HAND I DON'T FEEL CLOSE ENOUGH
THAT IS WHY I NEED GOD TO HOLD ME CLOSE TO HIS HEART
DRAW NEAR TO ME AND I WILL DRAW NEAR TO YOU.

JOSIAH IS REALLY HEAVY
BUT I LOVE HIM
SO I HELD HIM HIGHER
HOW MUCH MORE DOES THE FATHER LOVE US.
HE HOLDS US NOT JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE
BUT UNTIL WE ARE READY
TO WALK BESIDE HIM
ALTHOUGH HE ALWAYS WANTS US
TO FIND HIS HEART AND HE WAITS FOR US TO REACH UP
AND CALL TO HIM "HIGHER"

Summer Update

I have been blessed this summer. It wasn't too crazy, like it was last year. The kids and I did some homeschooling, some camps and daily vacation Bible School. Then there was our family vacation a camping and a trip to my parents.

I believe that going for walks gave me energy and peace of mind. When I planned things for them they were content. When they were bored they wanted lunch as early as 9 and I would try to hold them off till 11 or 11:30. My one prayer all summer is that the Lord would bring us home safly all of us, Josiah was quite scarey think vechical should stop automatically for him.

I am too tired to write adequatly it looks like we will have an exciting school year. Caleb in afternoon kindergarten, Josiah in grade 2 and Sharona in grade 5. I am determined to loose weight and join tops. I am also excited about Life group, and what Gods going to do for us as a couple.

Mother Daughter Bond

Saturday we went to the Parables store, then I found a book that could help me, teach my daughter about her body. The book was The Body, it is part of the Lily series written by Nacy Rue. Talking about this was actually a joy, it wasn't scary or weird. When I said the word period, she laughs. She said she would get used of it and its not that bad right mom, as long as she was prepared with her supplies. Stephen reminded me later that she always wanted to grow up, from even before one, crawling wasn't good, and she was always quick to learn the next things. The benifits of having to go through all of this, is that we are the blessed ones that get to cradle the baby in our womb for 9 months, this is for not for many years, of course, but her body will be in preparation soon. About the word sex, she only know that we are either female or male. I am not ready to talk about this for a long time. Then again I need to to be the first as it creates a positive image, before the negative images are talked about at school or with friends. The innocent mind is easier to teach then one that is polluted by the worlds thinking. Caleb's alphebet that he typed himself. abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Growing Up

Now my daughter is only 9 and a half, we have been noticing latly that she is growing up. I think she is starting the early stages of puberty. Today we noticed a zit on her nose, and we do know she is starting to grow bumps for a few months now. I was never taught anything about my body growing up and I was a scared girl with not many friends I did some reading in teen magazines to find out things about my period and stuff. I want my daughter to feel beautiful but I don't know how to teach beauty when I don't even feel beautiful myself. When should I start teaching her period and what other things do I need to teach her? I have read that it is about 2 years after a girl starts developing that she gets her period. In some ways, this is good, but it still sounds too early. What if I still want her to be my little girl?

Heavenly thoughts

If I could only imagine what I would look like in heaven............I would feel beautiful. In heaven I would dressed up all pure even more beautiful then our earthly brides. I would be shining and glowing and I will be bright as the morning star. All my tears will be wiped away even the happy tears, will turn to Joy. I will be dancing with my father I will see my family all worshiping beside me. We will no longer be bored or worried about tomorrow. The only thing we will want to do is worship and party with our Jesus Christ.

If I can only imagine what heaven would be like for one moment in everyday, the cares of this world will really fade and I will become thankful for what is to come. He is coming back for me, very soon.

Made to Last Forever

Our time on earth prepares us for eternity. Heaven we will be with God and have unbroken fellowship with him. We think it is so unfair when someone dies of an accident or illness or anything we some how believe that people should live forever: God planted that seed within us. If our focus in heaven is going to be all about God then we should learn to focus worship and love him more now.

Point to ponder: There is more to life then just the here and now.

Verse to remember: This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God you will live forever. 1John2:17

Question to consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing today?

Well I might as well of use last night as my example: I was tired and wanted love and attention and no more kids climbing all over mom. So I told Stephen I wanted to go where the queens go. Sharona was trying to figure out where could this be, has she been there before? Stephen would say something about black and white cows. We got close and Caleb says the ice cream place, Sharona say Dairy Queen. I wasn't craving food I was wanting to be loved. Then we came home and I was too tired to watch Jurastic Park. I went to bed.

I need to stop fill up my body when I need some love I need to go to God rather then my husband, he can only do so much. God's love is much greater and even more satisfying. I need to start running to God more frequently and stay in his arms of love daily.

What Drives You?

Many people are driven by guilt
Many people are driven by resentment and anger
Many people are driven by fear
Many people are driven by materialism
Many people are driven by the need for approval

I believe I am driven by the need for approval I have always stayed close to what ever values and beliefs my parents have. It was really hard to cut the apron strings because my husband would say so little about what he thought and I wanted to have the approval of someone. It was a big thing to move to Saskatoon and be more distant from all they had to say. I was on my own before that but I knew this would be more permanent. Even now when my dad has an opinion I really don't disagree, at least not in the same room. And one time I did speak up and he actually called me stupid for not wanting to watch more videos on why evolution is wrong and creation.


The Benefits of Purpose Driven Living?

Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life

Knowing your purpose simplifies your life

Knowing your purpose focuses your life

Knowing your purpose motivates your life

Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity


Point to ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace
Verse to remember: You Lord give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you Isaiah 26:3

Question to consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

I believe that people would see my children as the thing that drives me: I do things for my children with my children and I am striving to be better mom. My interest in health and nursing drives me to study and research in this area. My belief in God keeps me true to his word.

I want to be driven by passion and compassion for others: I want to love like God loves them. I want to be driven by worship that I am so in love with God that he can speak loud and clear.

YESTURDAY'S YO-YOS

Don't get me wrong: I know what I am supposed to think about the way he created me. In the beginning of the Bible when God created the heavens and the earth and things he had made, he said it was good. Now God doesn't change so he created me to be good as well. Why don't I get this? The painful way I feel about my appearance, as described yesturday is contrasted by the way God thinks. How can I think like God thinks?

THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE

Our life group is starting to study the "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I just happen to of been given the book, a couple years ealier. I am choosing to study this book for the forty days, that is required to read this book one chapter at a time, I am good at starting things but I need to learn the endurance part of studing till the end, forty days was signicicant in the Bible for many spiritual purposes. Can all you friends who are reading this blog help me stay committed to sticking this out so that I may encounter God in a new and amazing way as I discover what his purpose for me is.
The first week is : What on earth am I here for?
A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump, a God shaped life is a flourishing tree. Proverbs 11:28
Blessed are those who trust in the Lord... they are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they go right on producing delicious fruit.Jeremiah17:7-8

IT ALL STARTS WITH GOD

For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible...everything got started with him and finds it purpose in him . Colossians 1:16

Focusing on ourselves will never reveal our lifes purpose. An inventer is a creator who makes things, with a purpose, if saw something new you may have your own ideas of what it could be. Without asking the inventor we wouldn't know his disires for the things he created. We need to ask the creator to help us understand what we were made for.

I knew Josiah was going on a field trip to the hospital for the carnival, he forgot something. He forgot his medic alert bracelet, this particular item was designed so that if he was lost, it would speak for him. There is a phone number is a 24 hour service if he is found they could phone me and tell me where Josiah was. If he doesn't wear it and he gets lost, there is no purpose in even having this item, He needs to wear it in order for it to help him. I ran this item to the school just in case, something happened. Today everything went well.

Everyday I decide whose team I am on, I can put on my own selfish identy or the God like identy in my heart. If I want purpose I need God. I need to remind myself that my identy doesn't come from how I look, how successful I am, how funny I am, what my kids or my husband thinks about me. Again I remind myself that It all starts with..................JESUS CHRIST, MY SAVIOR, MY REDEAMER, AND MY LOVER. My life started with him and my purpose comes from him. Lord help me find purpose in YOU.

I AM NOT AN ACCIDENT
I am your Creator, you were in my care before you were born. Isaiah 44:2a

He loves me as if there were only one of me, one person on the earth to love. He really really loves me and I can't imagine, how much, and what is this kind of love is really like. Sometimes I think I do but I know I don't. I was loved by him before I was created, and then he created me out of love.

Question to ponder

I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of mypersonality, background and phsical appearance am I stuggling to accept? I feel fat and unsexy, I don't think my husband thinks I am beautiful, he never tells me that I am beautiful or sexy. Am I really that ugly? One of my children thinks I have ugly hair, I heard it once lately. The doctor tells me I am fat and need to loose weight and then I am given pills that make it harder to control my appitite and fat gain is easier then loss. I want to exercise but it really hasn't showen me results. So I feel frusterated and give up. Then God says he created me this way, does he really love me, fat and all. Why would God create ugly people? Or do I have this all wrong.

How can I accept who I am? What God think beauty is? How can I think the way God really thinks? So I have lots to think about and many purposes to find. God help me to believe I am not an accident and I am beautiful to him I think.

Be Thou my Vision

I am without glasses and this is really difficult to see anything. You can't realize how difficult it is to see until you are without your glasses. When Josiah's glasses were broken I wanted him to go to school, his prescription is way worse then mine. Being without glasses really does make it more difficult to think to balance and everything. I need Christ to be my strenght during this time, I feel headaches at times, I really need his strenght. It should help me see better the doctor gave me a higher prescription, he said I would be able to drive better at night, ha ha.

In a spiritual sense, even though I know God, I have a blurred sense of where to go when I am without my time with God. I want to have a break from the light when my eyes are getting unclear signals. I have taken to many breaks from spending time with God. I need to find my way. Thy word is a lamp unto my path, when I put the word as a priority, and meditate on it I am getting vision in the direction that I want to move, then I will not stumble and fall. And the Lord becomes the Lord of all.

I need to take more medicaton I am now back up to 20 ml of prednizone and 150 ml of immuran and all the other pills. I am frusterated that I am not healed completly although I realize that I have been healed along the way I no longer need a liver transplant anytime soon. And only God can do that.

Last summer was really crazy I need wisdom and strength to do and see things the way God would like me do to things. I do believe that we would like to do homeschooling and have family devotions I haven't found a devotional that will work yet. Although we have started the schooling for some days where Stephen is working and we need some work to keep their minds and hands busy. May the Lord give me strenght and vision for the summ

The Answer

Remember the exercise question: How many minutes of exercise do I need to do to loose weight? 200 to 300 minutes of exercise is required to do it the healthy way. I still have to figure out the plan of how I am going to do this.

Help is on its way

We are going to be getting a new thing called "results" it is suppose to hydrate the eggs so they are easier to comb out. I will tell you more later.

Isolation

When I was nine I was admitted to the hospital and I was in isolation, they never knew what I had could this be contagious or what. I was in isolation for at least two weeks, it felt terrible.

Sharona and I have lice. Is this an isolation thing or what? Sharona has had the nix shampoo three times already and I have spent hours taking the nits out of her hair, and I'm not done yet. The school is okay with her returning to school, I talked to the principal and the teacher. I am doing what I can.

On Sunday I never thought twice about weather or not we go to church, later that day I did see some live lice in her hair. I knew then that we should shampoo again, this was now the second time the first time was thursday night. This time I cut her hair, she did use conditioner by mistake not realizing that I would be nixing her hair. In my growing up we went to church and stayed home for nothing sunday mornings. I feel that I have offended some one for
coming to church.

On Monday she went to school and Tuesday I kept her home: we washed our sheets for the second time.

I do remember going through this before and I never really made a big deal about it and it didn't take a long time to get rid of either.

Are we expected to stay in isolation? from church? life group? everywhere except school? And for how long?

I am not able to take my own nits out of my hair, is there anyone who can help me. I have asked Stephen several times and he still hasn't he says there are no more bugs in my hair. I have uses nix once and mainase and even vinager, I might be allergic to vinager.

I do think I am making slow progress with Sharona's hair. Why do we think this is a thing that means we are dirty? Why does it feel so terrible? Is it because I hate being isolated from the world.

Question Time

How many minutes of excercise do I need to do to adequetly loose weight per week? The answer was taught to me at the west winds clinic. I will tell you shortly, next blog.

How come There is no such thing as Supper Mom

I want to get this house supper clean, problem is that it is hard to be that supper busy cleaning all the time. Now and then I want a break from being supper busy then I become supper lazy. Then the house gets supper messy. I am thankful that my family came to the rescue and helped me out with family clean time. But why should it get supper messy. Sometimes moms not feeling well and the routine goes out the window, then what? I'm not a supper mom or anything like that, and we can't eat out or eat hot dogs forever. Then sometimes the routine doesn't challenge me enough to get this house supper clean: the routine only takes care of the upstairs. Where is the supper mom when I need her. I want to be a reflection of the kind of mom that takes care of more then just the house work. I want to be creatively playing and spiritually inspiring and physically fit, and mentally challenging and all around happy mom.

Poop in the Pot Party

No more diapers, no more pull ups yeah for mommy. Any mother knows that her childrens successes are hers, we rejoice with others who rejoice. Caleb is 5 and a half and it is about time. The other day I thought I would try to not buy pull ups and see what happens. He was choosing pulls ups over underwear, I want my diapers, he would cry. He was dry in preschool, in underwear and at home he would pee and then he would get a pullup. I thought I needed to keep diapers around for night, the last two nights he was dry and clean all night and all day. It is nice to see maturity coming about in my children. I think it was partly me holding Caleb back cause I wanted to see a lot of success in Josiah first and he is very successful in this area. He is the bigger brother.

Play Day with Caleb

Today was Caleb's day off from school, he only goes to school four days a week. Instead of doing my regular routeen Iplayed with Caleb. We both had our baths separatly then I made coffee and we played the memory game. The games pretty close we usually had only one or two points sepparting our scores, and I always play my best and was very good at remembering the score, just like a hockey annoucer. We basically played the memory game all morning and then we went for a walk to the school. I didn't go to the school on my own adgenda I took him to the playground and allowed him to play for twenty minutes and then I tried to take him home. And finnally we arrived at home. I know it is important to spend quality time with all my children, sometimes it seems impossible. God gave me these children to cherish and that is what I want to do.

Exercise? And Balance?

Wal-Mal

I wish I took pictures of this moment but I think you will get this mental picture. This happened about a week ago. I came downstairs and saw black permanent marker all over the floor these lines were roads and they were leading to the wal-mal except there were about 6 wal-mals. There were wal-marts made out of laundry baskets and other types of baskets each was labeled with his lettering of wal-mal. I do enjoy Josiah's creativity and I am glad my floor has only a cement basement, so far.

New Chapters

In the new chapters Stephen's blog you will find my liverspots. I have to say that you will enjoy reading those blogs as well. Check out Stephen's blog he is a story writer, if you are interested in hearing more of his Story, it is all in a box here, you will have to tell you want to hear more.
He just has to find more alone time so some day he can publish it. He has thought about publishing it but doesn't quite know how to go about it.

Perfect Timing

Today I knew I was to go for a walk at 10:00 and as I was cleaning I felt like I needed to do some recycling, I had a feeling like this was in God's plan. Was I suppose to smile at someone, was I going to see someone I knew as 10:00 was approaching I knew I needed to leave then, why? I had no clue. I smile at one lady and kept walking I until I got to the recycling place. I was greeted by a new caster from CBC's new team, he actually said, " this is perfect timing". Yesterday I was blogging about hearing God: what to do and when to do it? Could this be hearing God voice? The news guy he was just happy he didn't have to wait all day, but why was it me? Thank you God for helping listen, as for recycling help to understand my part in taking care of the world you gave us. And Lord help me to know your perfect timing in everything. Cause you care about everything in my life. Amen

It's Rainy Season

I can't believe how much I cry,
I know God is working in me,
I know God is changing me.
I soak in his truths,
I pour out so many tears,
people look at me I cry,
people talk to me I cry,
and I cry when I am sitting quietly with God.
I feel like I did when,
I was in junior high,
I would cry in Sunday School every time,
then I would dry my tears,
and cry while I was listening to the sermon upstairs.
God what do you want to show me,
what do you want me to do.
I love you Lord,
your my Creater,
I want to be the clay that molds the way you want me to,
may I be soft enough,
alert enough to hear what you are saying in my quiet times.
After the rainy season:
things seem brighter and the beauty is clearly seen.
Lord show me your beauty,
and your plan,
that in this time I may discover your truths.

In this time I am your sponge soaking in and pour out,
I don't think this is a sad time,
this is just a growing time,
I am still waiting,
for the rainbow day of your beauty, Lord.

family

family
Originally uploaded by Liverspots

The List

Actually the List, starts out quite simple:
Garbage
Dishes
Laundry

I am still working on the commitment part of this list and sometimes I think it needs to be more complicated than that but today the basic will do, I have been tired all week , and this morning I did some errands and took Caleb out to Macdonalds for ice cream sundae and orange juice. I made my bed, cleaned the bathroom and now I will work on that list.

Colossians 3:17 Whatever you do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

And then trick yourself and do one more thing and one more thing and then you can make a cup of coffee for yourself this is wisdom from Sarah.

January Flash Back

I had a friend over and it was supposed to be a nice visit, I wanted her to encourage me, I so despirtly need a friend. She came in with all four children and told me my house was a mess and too dirty for her and her children that they might get sick and they left within 15 minutes, she said I needed help. Some friend eh. I know I didn't impress her with a fancy and pretty house, I just wanted to be real . At first I was kind of mad but then and it took me a while before I came to realize, Proverbs 17:17 says " A friend loves at all times." She was not there to hurt me she just told me the truth.

Now let me describe to you what my house looked like. We had these pet flies, and some other creepy crawly things, there was laundry from the summer not done, apple cores or other food like products stuck to the floor, the master bedroom not cleaned in a long time, seeing the floor would almost be a dream. The thing I was washing dishes then making the meal then the next day I would wash the dishes have a nap and I was truly tired. If we ever cleaned downstairs it would be at least one large garbage bag full of garbage. Does this make you feel gross already?

I am reminded of that verse again and I can say that a friend loves at all times, she truly loves me even though I was stuck behind this mess, she and her husband came to visit later that month are now starting to walk beside us in helping our family to function as it should . The enemy would of loved to keep me at the mad part of this story but now we are walking in love.

Starting Fresh

It seems like this is a fresh beginning where God is doing new things for me and I want to share them with others and pass on the flame and together we can be a light to the world. Thank you Sarah for sharing a story that many of us can relate to weather or not we were bulimic, there were many parts of your story were I could feel the pain you went through and now I am seeing how God brought you through and I can see your faith maturing before my eyes daily. I wanted to start blogging again because of your story you encouraged me and left me hanging some days I wanted to see how God pulled you through again and again.....He who begun a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. And then I remember all the things I have been through and I remember how great God is again and again he is always there watching my every move and as soon as I mention his name, he comes....... again he is faithful.